Forever Changed

I am forever changed.

I may look exactly the same as I did a year ago, but I am not the same person.

I have had a lot of firsts over the past year.  First time on a plane, first time wearing a bikini in public, first time sharing and selling my art, first time exposing my truth for the world to see on IG and on this blog, along with many other amazing experiences.

Life has been going so fast, we are already at the end of August and it has been roughly five months since my last blog post!  Time is flying and there is no time to waste! Over the last year, I have discovered parts of myself that I never knew existed!

I am happy.  Genuinely.  I still strive to be better everyday but I am also content with where I am right now.  That’s real.  Living in the moment.  I want my kids to realize that happiness comes from within.  To appreciate the here and now.  Those are the things I struggled with most throughout my life.  Fuck what everyone else thinks.  Its about you.  Who you want to be.  What you want to look like.  Make the most of what you have.

That’s much easier said than done, but if they have that mentality from the get-go, life can be so much more manageable!

When I finally realized that I was – sexy – hell, that I was a fucking beautiful, sexy goddess – shit hit the fan!  I didn’t know how to clean it up!  Suddenly things were more complicated because I actually had self-worth.  It rocked my world for a moment, and then things settled.  My brain literally approaches life differently now.  I am able to handle everyday life a little easier and more clear headed.  Although I still struggle immensely with my anxiety, I am worrying less.

Representation is everything.  It has helped me immensely!  I need it! I want it! Please!  I can’t get enough of big beautiful human beings sharing their gorgeous bodies with the world! Not just big but all human beings unafraid to love themselves just the way they are!

For me, being my own self-love model has changed my life.  I force myself to look at my body in photos multiple times a week.  Every week, liking what I see more and more. Learning to truly appreciate my curves and dimples.  Starting to wonder why I couldn’t see it before.  Sure, there are still things I wish I could change – but they no longer cloud my judgement or have control over how I value myself.

I am gonna let it all hang out here – close your eyes if you want to lol, but my sex life is so much better now that I focus on my pleasure rather than how my body looks while I’m doing it. I could never fully let go before.  For the first time in my life, I feel sexy while having sex.  Not just like lingerie wearing sexy, I mean like watching myself in the mirror sexy! Even while masturbating!! hahahaha  That may sound silly to some, but I am finally free!

2019 has been monumental for the plus-size community, I can’t wait to see what the future holds!

My first full body tan in over 20 years! Fat and flexible!