Finding myself again

2020 has definitely been a year to remember.  The world has changed so much since my last post.  Nearing a mental breakdown towards the end of March, I was quite relieved when the pandemic shut down most of the dental world.

I realize how devastating the pandemic is and has been to so many people – but to be honest, the shut down ultimately saved me.  There has been a ton of controversy surrounding the virus, the shut down and everything in between, but I am thankful that it allowed me to find myself again. Already spiraling, after more than 8 months of work-related, debilitating anxiety – it allowed me to let go of so much shit and find some type of peace of mind, even if only for a short time.

I’m not sure what the future holds for me, I hope to someday find a dental office that feels right to me, but I am not sure that even exists.  I do not want to see adults, as this is the root of most of my anxiety in the workplace and although I very much enjoy the interaction with children and educating them about dental hygiene, I am not sure this is the right line of work for me.  Its hard to find a pediatric dental office where the expectations aren’t extremely overwhelming, both physically and mentally. 

My dream is to find financial stability through my online artwork, which is where I seem to flourish.  I am able to be myself and create what makes me happy, where in person I am awkward, shy and easily embarrassed.  I hope that doing what I am most passionate about will enable me to breakthrough some of these social insecurities and learn to better cope with and maybe actually enjoy more adult interaction.  I think when I am doing what I love, it is easier to face my anxiety head on.

The last few months have been very beneficial to my well being, so my mind has been getting some much needed rest and I have been able to create a lot of therapeutic art in the process.  Just eliminating that gut wrenching anxiety I felt every morning before work has been amazing. I have been able to focus on and put my energy into things that matter to me like putting an end to systemic racism & injustice and fat positivity.  I am not able to get out and protest, but I am helping to spread awareness and offer some education through social media.  I also regularly share my self-love journey on Instagram.

My intentions are to find my way back here more often, as it helps me deal with everything.  Hopefully this much needed break will equip me with the proper frame of mind to continue to exist in this complicated world.  Much love to all!